Chris' Autobiography
Chris' handwritten autobiography, also known as the Necronomicon or The Great Tome, is a long-sought tome detailing the origins of Chris. In many religions across the world this book is believed to have magical powers, though modern scholars are skeptical that such a book could exist. Scholars of the later 21st century disagree, and laugh at how naive the early 21st century and late 20th century scholars were. Literary Influence Historians of literature are largely agreed that glimpses of The Great Tome have greatly inspired some of Western culture's greatest stories. A partial list of stories that have partially, or entirely, been inspired by The Great Tome are as follows: *Homer's Odessy *The complete works of William Shakespeare *J.J. Abrahams' Lost *Married With Children *The complete works of Confuscious *Waterworld *Mass Effect Trilogy *Star Wars episodes IV - VI *Yojimbo *The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly *Akira *Demolished Man *1984 *Robocop 2 *Terminator 4 *Troll Hunter *The Republic by Plato *Philosophiae Naturalis Principia Mathematica *An Introduction to Quantum Mechanics by Griffiths Influence on the development of language Linguist Noam Chomsky believes that The Great Tome lead not only to the develop of language, but also lead to the invention of mathematics. Historians of the Cult of Pythagoras have found explicit references to The Great Tome in the writings of the cult, and it is widely believed that both Leibniz and Newton had pages of the Great Tome, but that they only had half of page 42; Leibniz had the top half and Newton the bottom half. Chomsky has argued that if such large disagreements in mathematics can arise from which half of the page you saw, then surely all differences in language can be explained by which chapter of The Great Tome. Influence on the works of J.R.R. Tolkein Tolkein, who studied as a linguist, got most of his inspiration not from English history, or Beowulf, as is commonly believed. Not only are all of the languages in Tolkein inspired from Chris' Autobiography, but forensic historians have discovered that 85% of the Simarillion is word-for-word copied from the insane ramblings of Allister Crowley, who was rumored to have seen the entire autobiography in the 19th century. Prophecies Many ancient and modern references explicitly mention prophecies contained in the autobiography. The descriptions of these prophecies, their consequences, and the foreknowledge gained by those who have read the book are consistent so that many reputable and mainstream scholars believe that these references are all derived form a single source text that has remained unchanged throughout the centuries. Though there are many prophecies, the following have been validated by historians and are widely cited in the scholarly literature and in academic circles: *The rise of Mormonism *The outbreak of World War II *The creation of the Physics House *The death of Abraham Lincoln *The death of Julius Caesar and the betrayal of Brutus *The fall of the Mayan, Aztec, and Incan empires *The failure for December 2012 to be the appocalypse *The development of calculus *The War of the Roses *The history of every king Shakespeare wrote about *The American Revolution *Stark Trek: Into Darkness having a lot of lens flares Nostradamus Many scholars believe the tale of Faust to be a description of Nostradamus' encounter with the autobiography, and a consistent use of terms among his quatrains and those of the canonical prophecies indicate that Nostradamus has likely seen part of The Great Tome. As is obvious form even a cursory viewing of the History Channel, Nostradamus has been largely wrong. For many years this was wholly explainable, but in 2011 the mathematical genius of Mike took the works of Nostradamus and snipets of The Great Tome and used lexical casting, building off the work of Dan Roth http://arxiv.org/abs/cs/9811010. He discovered that Nostradamus' prophecies were accidentally shifted in value by the Euler-Mascheroni constant. This was vindication of the idea that not only had Nostradamus seen Chris' Autobiography, but that he had also made a grave error in decoding it. And thus, it was due to the brilliant computer skills of Mike that Nostradmus was finally proven to be a complete moron. Anachronisms It is widely known that Chris was born sometime in the 20th century, and so many scholars have puzzled on how his autobiography could have possibly had such a profound effect on the history of the world. This was utterly mysterious until 2013 when an anonymous theoretical physicist published a 205 page paper on the arxiv detailing a hyper-dimensional theory of emergent space-time over a curved non-euclidean geometry comprised of n-fold degenerate Penrose tilings of hyper-cubes that were projected on the the faces of a tetrahedron. The theoretical physics of time travel was finally known to humanity, and through it NASA built and tested the first time-traveling capable device in 2015. Allegedly, Chris' Autobiography was placed in the capsule and was sent back. This first trip was a disaster because the renormalization group flow had the wrong minus sign in the theoretical calculations and a catastrophic D-brane collapse occurred in the time vortex causing the capsule to become maximally causality violating and appearing at a variety of places in 3 + 1 dimensional space in what, in the Earth's reference frame, appeared simultaneously. It is believed that such an event would cause any object to soak up many trillions of trillions of chronotons and cosmic strings, and would cause local quantum loop foam distortion leading to spiritual experiences and hallucinations in humans who are entangled with photons that have scattered from the surface of any object experience that has undergone, what is hereto-forth known as, Catastrophic Time Vortex Collapse (or CTVC). In layman's terms any object that survived CTVC would exist at many points in time and space simultaneously, and would cause psychological effects leading one to believe the object was imbued with super natural powers. While initially skeptical, scholars of the late 21st century have finally accepted that the First Great Time Travel Catastrophe was actually responsible for the development of mathematics and human language by sending Chris' Autobiography back into time to many places simultaneously. While this created a predstination paradox, it was shown to meet the Novikov self-consistency principle, and was widely considered to be one of the great experimental feats of the 21st century and a foundational event in quantum chronodynamics. See Also *Chris References Category:Lore